Path By Path and Life By Life
Read my Diary...laugh, cry, scratch your head in bewilderment, or have no reaction at all.
April 2, 2007

This page used to contain a list of goals. The person I would make myself become by certain dates. Six month plans and five year plans. Very nice and tidy and a fiction that never came to be. It's been a long time since I looked at this page. Sometimes it was too depressing a reminder of my failures. Other times it was just a drag, an irrelevant reminder of my past naivete and the self-awareness I didn't have.

There was nothing wrong with my goals. I wanted to be a full time minister of Jehovah. I wanted to be married and/or living on my own. I wanted a driver's license. I wanted friends, I wanted to be close to my family, I wanted to be healthy. I still want....but who am I trying to impress? As they were, my goals only stimulated me as long as my will-power lasted, and that was never so long. So I have thought about who I would be and what I would be doing if I were to impress myself. And I was truly excited by the prospect of being that woman and doing those things.
I would be more knowledgable about the Bible. I'd have a study program. I'd do deep research. I'd be able to have stimulating conversations and teach people about the truths I hold dear.
I'd be taking dance classes for physical fitness (mainly stamina), and as a way to physically embody music. Also, to have a good time at social outings. To feel more comfortable in my body, to feel more physical oneness.
I would never fear interaction with others. I would not become tense or nervous in face-to-face contact. I would not shy away from physical closeness.
I would not feel shame. I would be able to handle flaws and negative characteristics in both others and myself with rationality and perspective.
I'd have a complete, well-fitting wardrobe in my own style. I'd be able to recognize good pieces. I'd wear well-tailored and well-maintained pieces, and I'd really appreciate the value of good clothes that reflect who I am.
I would purchase and learn how to use the musical equipment I need in order to create the music I hear in my head. I'd be a musician, a composer, a producer, an innovator.
I'd be satisfied with my personal appearance. I'd wear my hair in a flattering way at all times, and take good care of my skin. I'd have a beauty regimen. I'd match my outside and my inside.
I'd take care of my health. Make and keep appointments. Understand how my body works and how to care for it. Eat and try healthy, tasty foods. I'd have regular exams and check-ups. I'd take vitamins and consume the recommended daily amounts of everything. I'd know what in particular I need to run my body at maximum efficiency. Spiritual, physical, mental and emotional health would be a priority.
I'd be a better writer. I'd write regularly. I'd take classes and be in an environment where I could share my writing. I'd do informed re-writes. I'd find an avenue to make my art public.
I'd speak Chinese.
I'd have vocal training and I'd have an avenue to sing for others. I'd be a singer-songwriter.
I'd be honest, trustworthy and honorable. I'd stand up for myself and my values. I'd stand up for Jehovah. I'd take corrective action when necessary. I'd be graceful, grateful and forgiving.
If you want to read my old list of goals, click on this link
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